as a gay man we all hear the crazy coming out stories, both good and bad. the stories about how friends and family already knew, but they were just waiting for the person to finally do it. or the friends that welcomed them with open arms, practically throwing them a party because they are so happy that they are so comfortable with themselves they can finally tell someone. then there are those negative stories you hear about. friends cornering his old buddy at the end of the school day in the alley behind the building beating the hell out of him. or someone coming out to their family and the dad beating the hell out of his son as the mother stands backs and watches in fear, still loving her son, but to afraid to do anything or say anything and just watches as her son is kicked out of the house. then there is the stories of the ones who come from the most loving home, but the moment they come out, their family turns their heads away and disowns them. as a gay man i have heard all of these stories, but never did i ever feel i would have one of my own.
i came from an amazing family. they instilled on me and my sister from a young age, the importance of working hard and earning what you get. nothing is ever just given to you and its up to you the impact you have on the world. you only get one shot, so don't blow it. i came out a couple years after high school. i don't have the most positive story, and it's not one i am going to share today, but over time my family grew to except me. that was my biggest worry, that i was going to be one of those negative statistics you hear about. lucky enough over a span of about six months, i didn't have to worry about that...or so i thought.
Brandon and i are perfect for each other, and the sad part is we know it. we aren't cocky about it by any means, but when you know you know. i have had people tell me we look like great together, we are cute together. the girls i work with find it cute that we aren't afraid to kiss each other in public, not that we make out or anything, but a quick goodbye kiss when he drops me off at work isn't bad. many have told me it's refreshing to see two guys who care for each other as much as we do be ok with showing our affection in public, holding hands and stuff like that. we don't do any over the top PDA, but i'm a firm believer that if it's ok for straight people to do it then it's ok for me. i'm no different than anyone else, but that is not what this blog is about.
Brandon and i are comfortable with each other. we ask each other often why we are the way we are to each other. we ask each other often why we feel like we have known each other forever, why we act as if we have been friends forever. i now believe when you find the one you just know it. everything meshes great, you look great, and no matter what happens during the day or time of day, in the end you still have each other and the two of you know it. that is what Brandon and i have. again, not to sound cocky, but we have the perfect relationship.
despite how perfect it may be, to say we have it easy is a complete understatement. since the day we met and started talking or relationship has been nothing but up hill. it has put such a strain on our relationship even i wonder how we are still together. it's because of our love and communication that we are able to stand strong at the end of the day, hand in hand, knowing that we have each other and that is what matters.
when we moved to Iowa, i figured the majority of our stress would be gone. i figured other than my house arrest and my probation it would basically be smooth sailing from here. don't get me wrong i knew we would have our relationship issues that everyone has, but nothing like what we have encountered to this point.
i have always been great full to my family for what they have done. they have picked me up and dusted me off more times then i could ever imagine. to hear anything negative kind of bothers me after all these years. coming to Iowa my family and friends knew it wasn't going to be just me. was it a last minute move, yes by all means it was. Brandon and i were loading the last armful of stuff into our place in Lincoln when i got the call that i had to move back. we were frantic on what to do. it was a complete roller coaster up until the final day. but again the boy never left my side and i still am completely blown away he left his own place to come here with me.
moving here with him i thought things would be great. i would spend my house arrest with him, i would get to grow our relationship together, what could possibly go wrong. again, another pot hole in the road of our relationship comes from my family. don't get me wrong it's nothing bad. nothing that we couldn't handle, but more of something i didn't see coming. like the sudden move our of our ex's place. it blind sided us and we had to learn quick to adapt.
it has been like walking on egg shells half the time we have been here and it has only been just over two weeks now. we have six weeks from tomorrow to go. sad part is, last night was almost the last straw.
we have dealt with stupid stuff beyond belief up to this point. Brandon doesn't "tech" live here, he tells the kids that he leaves late at night and comes back early in the morning to look as though he isn't staying here, Brandon can't wear a robe around the apartment. things we have to be careful about so that he wouldn't have to lie to his kids. stuff that a normal person under normal situations would be like "get over it." but Brandon keeps a smile on his face because i am here and he wants to make things work for the next month and a half. how he does it is beyond me. don't get me wrong, i love my family, i just find it difficult to deal with at times, but it is his apartment so it is his rules.
we are currently living with a religious family member of mine. he goes to church every now and then. not completely devoted to his faith, but enough that he can say he is religious....i think. i don't know how all that works. we all have our beliefs and i understand that and i don't and won't judge anyone by it. his kids were here for the weekend and Brandon was in a robe and shorts, we were informed that he shouldn't be dressed like this in front of a 12 and 14 year old (ages approx.) because to them he doesn't live here. their dad doesn't want them to know he is my boyfriend, though the kids already called him out on it. his stuff is here, his food is here, his bike is here. it's not like they can't look around and see he is here. it wasn't anything bad for them to see, it was just him comfortable around the house. i nearly lost it. i had almost had enough at this point. to know everything we have seen and been told to this point is outrageously STUPID. how loud we can talk, what we can say, what we can do, it's literally as i said, on egg shells half the time it seems.
Brandon of course, as i said, held his head high and walked away. didn't change by no means, but just walked away like the bigger man he is. to except me, is to except the person i choose to be with. to except me is to except the man i'm with as family. to disrespect the man i'm with is to disrespect me. the struggles we face as a gay couple, i never thought we would face like this. i never thought it would come from my own family when we live in a small midwestern town. i don't think it's the gay thing that bothers my family member so much, as the fact that it is going on in the house. he thought he was ok with the fact that i'm gay and i have my boyfriend with me, but when slapped with it in his face, i think his religion and beliefs are really tested. it's not something i planned to happen, yet he did know what was coming when he agreed to this.
to except family is to except the choices they make. to except who they bring into their life good or bad. it's up to you how you react to the situation. i have always said family is important to me. family is who is there for you in the end. never in a million years would i turn my back on family, but then again never in a million years would i put my family in a situation they are uncomfortable with, especially in a situation where they have no choice but to except what you say and do. Brandon and i are in that situation. for the next six weeks i am stuck. other than going to work i have no place to go and nothing i can do about it. i am stuck here in the apartment. don't get me wrong i am ok with that, but i am not ok with the fact that my boyfriend is being treated the way he is.
as a gay couple we will have struggles with society all the time. it's something we know and it's something we except. we refuse to bow down to the communities and be who society thinks we should be. we didn't choose to go threw this hell, as many of you may think (then again name someone who would choose this). as a gay couple we take on the stress of every day life because we love each other. we stand strong together taking on the world knowing that with each other we can get threw it all. we have gotten threw what we have so far, we can withstand it all.
as a couple, gay or straight, life is never easy. you will always have those that look down on you for any reason. as a couple you have to realize you will need to depend on each other to see you through the hard times. it's how you react to them when they are presented to you that mean the most. its how you react to the moment that will depend on how strong your relationship is. to be able to stand strong against it all, you need to believe in what you two have. you need to believe that no matter what, in the end, you still have each other and that you want to have each other. even the slightest down will put a weak spot in what you have. there is no doubt in my mind how i feel about Brandon, and from what he has shown me, there seems to be none in his.
we take on each challenge head strong, though his seems to be stronger than mine at this time. we realize that life will never be easy for us, but we also realize that in the end, it's these moments that will make me strong for him when he is at his weakest. as a couple you need to be prepared to take on the unexpected. you need to be able to say i am to weak to handle this, please hold me up. as a couple you need to be able to depend on each other, because at the end of the day, that's all your relationship has. as a couple you have the ability to take the world by the neck and show it that no matter what it want's to throw at you, no matter the stress, and arguments, and fights, you are able to say you are mine and you have shown me one more time that is true.
as a couple we battle every day life, we battle family issues, we battle relationship issues. on top of all of that, as a couple we battle the struggles of living a life as a gay couple in a society that still partially shuns us for who we are. and if that is not enough, as a couple we battle the stress of his cystic fibrosis and diabetes and everything that comes with those. at the end of the day, at the end of it all, the most important thing is we do it as a couple, because we know going at it alone would be far harder than it is doing it together.
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