this is it. my last Sunday here for awhile. u no, as much we have talked about it here and there, i never really saw this day finally coming. as the two of us are though we refuse to go down without a fight. u no that is probably one of the best things i love about this boy. he is always a fighter. he never gives up. we have talked about him coming down with me tomorrow to talk to the PO. explain to her that i almost need to be here. it's for medical reasons which is really what brought on the move to Lincoln to begin with.
i told him last night my biggest fear is that he will get sick while i'm gone and there will be nothing i can do about it. then i told him that when that happens, unless it's serious, i wanted him in le mars where i can take care of him. i apologized cause i thought it sounded selfish. thankfully he didn't, he thought it sounded like i was worried and concerned. which i am. i am his boyfriend. why wouldn't i be, he is my boyfriend.
that once again sparked the conversation about our daily routine. i once again reassured him that what i do is not because i want something from him or anything in that nature, it's just that i like to take care of my man. and in this situation i would RATHER take care of my man because then i know for sure everything is getting done like it is supposed to. call me a worry wart, call me obsessed, call me whatever u want, but in this case it is better for me. this way i no his shots are done, his pills r done, he is taking things regularly. he promised me he would do that for me if he could. basically meaning if it wasn't serious he would come down and stay with me so i can take care of him.
he reassures me, since he knows i will leave him, that he will never cheat on me because he never had a man take care of him like me. i really do almost everything around the house, and i am ok with that. there will be days where he will need to. our relationship is completely different then most because of the CF. i know most don't look at things the way i do, but i have to because if i don't there is a chance something could go wrong and i would loose him. i don't know what i would do if that happened.
we went on a walk last night down into the UNL campus and just had a great talk, really opening up more to each other. it was probably one of the best nights we've had since we met. he has learned that i take on the responsibility of not only is boyfriend, but also his protector, and in a way a nurse. i have said it before and i will say it everyday, i have to take care of him. since day one his health has always been number one to me and i know he sees that. i just wish other people would see that as well. we have such an amazing life ahead of us with this one last hurdle to jump before the finish line.
i refuse to loose him now after all we have been through. sadly enough there are some that won't let us be. some that feel they are so much better for him than me, which may be true, but until they do what i do every morning and every night, i won't see that as true. when a guy is willing to wake up before him to make sure his coffee is done, pills are out, breakfast is ready (one high in protein, calories, and fat), and shots are pour'd out, i won't believe they are better for him. his whole life he has take care of himself. his whole life his CF has always had to be in the front of his mind. i am his boyfriend and i have decided to take on that role in his life for as long as i can. it's time Brandon gets a break and gets to enjoy life a little bit. if that means sitting at the dinner table as i clean up from dinner while he plays a little game and i load the dishwasher, so be it. as long as the boy took his pills and shot i don't care what he does.
with me as his boyfriend, Brandon can finally experience life without the stress and hassle of his CF. he finally gets to live a little bit without the hassles of remembering if he did everything or took every shot or every pill because that is my responsibility. only 10 more months of this, but the best part is, once the car situation is take care of, he will be with me the majority of the time. and i can still take care of him. i'm not so worried about him the next few weeks because i know he will constantly be talking to me over text and i know his mom Rose will be around until probably the end of the month or longer. she will watch over my boy. that will only leave 9 more to go. if the PO will work with me so i can work i'll be back here for the last 7 of my probation and all will be good. our lives will begin and his CF will be the last thing on his mind because his boyfriend will be here giving him all he needs. even last night when i knew we had a sugar attack after our walk, i made sure he had enough insulin to make it til morning. because that is what a caring and loving boyfriend does as he cuddles his man asleep.
for those of you in my situation, caring for someone with CF or any illness for that matter. remember love can and always will see you threw any battle, as long as its real and true. communication, honesty, and trust is what you need most to hold up a normal relationship, but the ability to take on the responsibility they need to know they can trust their life in your hands is not only the strongest pillar of them all, but also the greatest gift you can ever give them. hold that pillar tall and never look back. at times it's not easy, but love will always see you threw the battles, and never once remind them of what you do for them because they see it. oh lord do they see it, and every time those pills are in front of them. every time you make dinner you give them a kiss with a smile on your face because they may not say it, but they realize just how great you are and they will cherish that every minute of every day. even through the toughest of fights, it's those moments that see you two through.
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