everyone's future is always uncertain. mine most definitely. at the same time though u need to believe in something bigger that keeps pulling the strings. do i believe in a God? i'm really not sure at this point. i have my doubts that is for sure. i mean who wouldn't? look what he had i have gone through so far.
Brandon always told me everything happens for a reason. my curiosity would ask, what is the reason for everything we have been through? what lesson can be learned from the pain and heartache of the month we were together with Bil? what lesson was learned from the 3-way relationship we were in? what lesson was learned from all the mind manipulation? most importantly, as we lay in bed and i hold him as he falls asleep, i ask, what is there to be learned from all the suffering he has gone through?
i won't lie, i ask what there is to be learned from him going through all of this. if there is such a God as everyone says, what lessons can anyone learn from everything he has gone through? life is to short? be strong? both you can learn in many other, more positive ways.
the struggles we have faced in the still early stages of our relationship have been over the top. many of them i know most of you will never have to face, CF completely out of the picture. the fact that he has went through them with me and for me still to this day blow me away. the level of stress we have been through, the fights and arguments, but in the end its our high level of communication and trust that the other will see us through is what i feel has kept us together and in the end kept his CF at bay.
i won't lie, there are many times i have tried to slam the door shut on our relationship feeling it was what was best for him. then i would look back on the issue or wake up the next morning and realize that i was acting no better than his ex. Controlling what he does, telling him whats best for him. Brandon has lived his whole life with CF and he knows what he can and can't do. so i would always ask myself, "who am i to tell him what he can or can't do? who am i to tell him what's best for his life?" that's when we would once again sit down and talk the issue out.
i believe that no relationship can stand strong without trust, honesty, and communication. i feel we have a level of communication most relationships only dream of having. because of this level of communication i feel he has been completely honest with me. there is no reason not to, because if you can't be honest then the communication will crumble. with those pillars standing true and strong, the trust builds up stronger and stronger each day. with trust being so strong, it will hold the relationship proudly above the rest.
the difference between our relationship and everyone else is the constant battle with CF along with his diabetes. the medications and shots all being timed out perfectly to give him the ability to live a life like ours. there is nothing more depressing than cupping your hand and dumping enough pills into your palm to cover it up. handing them over kills me each and every morning knowing that that handful of pills is the only reason he is here with me now.
no i am not looking for sympathy and no i am not looking for anyone to fill sorry for us or give us attention. that is not what this is for. this blog was designed to give people a ray of hope that just because you have an illness of any kind, you can still live a normal life. there is hope out there. there is love to be found. never give up on your search. there is someone out there that is willing to carry the burden of your struggles each and every day so that for once in your life you can wake up and know that when you walk out that bedroom door there is someone out there that sees past all the pills and sees past all the shots and sees past everything you worry about, because they do love you and they do care about you. most importantly they sit there waiting because they WANT to take care of you.
when i decided to date Brandon i new all about his struggles. it is nothing he has kept hidden from me. and as i have stated before everything i do each and every day for him is because i love him and i care for him. the boy has no worries in the world because i will stand tall and hold him above the rest. i will collect his pills, i will pull together his shots, i will make sure he takes everything he needs, because the moment i don't could be the moment i loose him. we have to many adventures ahead of us, to many places we want to visit. to many friends i still have to meet and to many pictures to take. but most importantly we have to big of a life together to build. i take on his struggles and i take on his stress so that he doesn't have to. in the end, no matter what illness you have, always remember there is someone out there for everyone. there is someone out there who wants to take the burden on so you don't have to fight it alone.
today i have set up a Facebook account for this blog. the link is pasted down below. i want everyone to be a friend of Endless Struggle on Facebook. it's a place where you can go to vent, look for advice if you are like me, taking on someone's struggles or you have an illness and feel like there is no hope for you. it's a place online designed to give you positive reinforcement. see through posts, photos, videos, and so much more from not only Brandon and I, but also those in our situations that there is hope and there is love out there for everyone. u just have to be open to the possibilities that life throws your way.
https://www.facebook.com/endless.struggle.79?ref=tn_tnmn
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