I have always been a fan of the entertainment world. Not so much for the fame and fortune of it, but more for the creativity side. To be able to take a concept stuck in your head and bring it to life, either on paper or on screen. I have always considered myself a fairly creative person. I have never really been one to let that side tame. To have an imagination is to be forever young, once you let that creative side leave, what do you really have left to offer? In my opinion, you're about as dull as the guy sitting behind a desk. This night was going to be the night to launch one of my biggest ideas.
My buddy Eric, the guy I was sitting with at the bar, and I have always had ideas. Big ideas about where we wanted to go in life. Never one to back down from a challenge, I have attempted them all. Without success obviously, but hey at least I can say I tried, which is better than most. Over the course of the night we were joking tossing around ideas about a new film idea. An idea based on a character with a special need. The character was going to be based off the set designer for the show I was working on. It was going to become a very bloody Saw style horror/thriller. It was one our biggest ideas to date.
Over the span of four years, the film had been taken on and off the shelf so many times with hopes from one person or another of getting it made. Finally after about two and half years, we shelved it for good, or so we thought.
Around October of 2012 I came across a special effects make up artist in Sioux City. Around this time I had been secretly working on all forms of the film to get it made. Everything from a book idea to a webshow (all of which I am still very interested in working on). At the moment of our meeting I finally saw something promising in getting the film made. We got together and really talked about it and the film took on a whole new route. What was once a film based on a handicapped person had become a film about two gay men in a love triangle with a major emphasis on bullying and it's effects on a young child's mind as he develops into a man.
The film has finally be completely outlined and finished, well a rough draft at least. Many people have loved the idea and other than getting no feedback from those involved in the creative process, I moved forward on getting it made. Then came the house arrest and probation officer putting a final end to the film being made. At the point of starting it up this last time, I had told myself this is the final shot. At some point you have to realize that enough is enough and move on with life.
When this happened I was crushed. To say I was crushed is really an understatement considering I had put so much time into getting it made this time. I had profit sharing contracts and everything with many people, people who knew a lot of people, but wanted to see something start to come together. Nothing ever happened. It really brought me down to a level I haven't really gotten back up from. I had worked so hard and put so many hours into getting these people on board. I had a composer, make up artists, hair and costume people. I had almost a full crew and the majority of my cast on board when it was all put to an end. I was even to the point of having distributors waiting for a first shot look.
The call to come back to the Sioux City area was a killer. It put me into a deep depression I never really told anyone about. The plus side, I was in the middle so much other stress I guess I really put it on the back burner until recently.
As I have said I am a big fan of entertainment of all kinds. I have went so far as to do drag just to entertain. I am a big follower of a lot of major Hollywood sites on Facebook and recently with the new Summer films coming out and the end of a lot of shows this season and even bigger shows starting the new seasons, a lot of sites are putting up a lot of behind the scenes photos, videos and even trailer for everything. It has brought back the memory of what I had worked so hard on. Many sleepless nights were spent on this film.
Though I have given up, it takes a lot of me not to pursue it again. When I get emails from cast and crew still interested, I drop. I mask it with the stress of everything going on here and the mental promise to myself to still do fun videos as soon as the house arrest is over.
I understand this is a long story, and many are wondering where I am going with it. Well I guess the most I can come out of with this is first inspiration comes from the most awkward places. The most unexpected moments will bring out the best in us. Who would have known that a night of being upset and deep conversation would have created a blog that has gone global so quickly bringing about over 100-200+ page views a day? Who would have known that a writer would have come out of this? But most of all, I never knew I would have inspired so many people that when there are talks of taking it down due to outside forces, people would come to me asking me not to stop writing, that what I write has made them a better person and helps bring a smile to their face each day.
But most of all I want everyone to know, never give up on your dreams. Never stop pursuing something you love. Never allow someone or something to tell you you can't do something. I think this is why I have the desire so bad to continue the film when all is said and done. I have given up though, and it was the hardest thing to do. I have someone in my life that is more important to me then the amount of time the film will need focus on. I have chosen to put him first and I am happy with it. There are other avenues for creativity, even for the film.
Never allow yourself to stop dreaming. I dream outrageous dreams that will never come true, but I allow myself to follow them and pursue them because without a dream, what do you have left? What reason do you have to wake up each morning? Without a dream, without creativity, you are just another corporate drone sitting behind a desk, doing what you are told to do. With no ambition to better yourself, and no ambition to reach your true potential. We all have the potential to be great, it's just where and how we go about it is up to us. How far we want to take that potential is as high as the sky.
I have never dreamt of a life of fame and fortune, only to be able to survive doing what I love. I love to be creative. I love to see what's in my head come to life. I have always said, if I could make $2,000 a month (take home) making films and videos and putting them on YouTube, I would be more than happy. I don't need millions, nor do I want it. I want to live comfortably, I want to inspire others to do better. I want to be the one that someone says, "Tim helped me become what I am today. Tim helped me realize that I was better than a minimum wage employee. I did this because he has shown me that I am better than that." Yes call me selfish, but knowing at the end of the day, I helped one person, I changed one life, it makes my life worth while. Do I have dreams of being a film maker, yes, but not anything big. Most of all, I have a new dream. I dream to inspire others to see that they are better than what they allow themselves to be. That their potential is higher than the roof they live under. That the sky isn't the limit. Your limit is only has high as your imagination will let it be.
*The last official meeting for the film at La Fiesta.
Around October of 2012 I came across a special effects make up artist in Sioux City. Around this time I had been secretly working on all forms of the film to get it made. Everything from a book idea to a webshow (all of which I am still very interested in working on). At the moment of our meeting I finally saw something promising in getting the film made. We got together and really talked about it and the film took on a whole new route. What was once a film based on a handicapped person had become a film about two gay men in a love triangle with a major emphasis on bullying and it's effects on a young child's mind as he develops into a man.
The film has finally be completely outlined and finished, well a rough draft at least. Many people have loved the idea and other than getting no feedback from those involved in the creative process, I moved forward on getting it made. Then came the house arrest and probation officer putting a final end to the film being made. At the point of starting it up this last time, I had told myself this is the final shot. At some point you have to realize that enough is enough and move on with life.
When this happened I was crushed. To say I was crushed is really an understatement considering I had put so much time into getting it made this time. I had profit sharing contracts and everything with many people, people who knew a lot of people, but wanted to see something start to come together. Nothing ever happened. It really brought me down to a level I haven't really gotten back up from. I had worked so hard and put so many hours into getting these people on board. I had a composer, make up artists, hair and costume people. I had almost a full crew and the majority of my cast on board when it was all put to an end. I was even to the point of having distributors waiting for a first shot look.
The call to come back to the Sioux City area was a killer. It put me into a deep depression I never really told anyone about. The plus side, I was in the middle so much other stress I guess I really put it on the back burner until recently.
As I have said I am a big fan of entertainment of all kinds. I have went so far as to do drag just to entertain. I am a big follower of a lot of major Hollywood sites on Facebook and recently with the new Summer films coming out and the end of a lot of shows this season and even bigger shows starting the new seasons, a lot of sites are putting up a lot of behind the scenes photos, videos and even trailer for everything. It has brought back the memory of what I had worked so hard on. Many sleepless nights were spent on this film.
Though I have given up, it takes a lot of me not to pursue it again. When I get emails from cast and crew still interested, I drop. I mask it with the stress of everything going on here and the mental promise to myself to still do fun videos as soon as the house arrest is over.
I understand this is a long story, and many are wondering where I am going with it. Well I guess the most I can come out of with this is first inspiration comes from the most awkward places. The most unexpected moments will bring out the best in us. Who would have known that a night of being upset and deep conversation would have created a blog that has gone global so quickly bringing about over 100-200+ page views a day? Who would have known that a writer would have come out of this? But most of all, I never knew I would have inspired so many people that when there are talks of taking it down due to outside forces, people would come to me asking me not to stop writing, that what I write has made them a better person and helps bring a smile to their face each day.
But most of all I want everyone to know, never give up on your dreams. Never stop pursuing something you love. Never allow someone or something to tell you you can't do something. I think this is why I have the desire so bad to continue the film when all is said and done. I have given up though, and it was the hardest thing to do. I have someone in my life that is more important to me then the amount of time the film will need focus on. I have chosen to put him first and I am happy with it. There are other avenues for creativity, even for the film.
Never allow yourself to stop dreaming. I dream outrageous dreams that will never come true, but I allow myself to follow them and pursue them because without a dream, what do you have left? What reason do you have to wake up each morning? Without a dream, without creativity, you are just another corporate drone sitting behind a desk, doing what you are told to do. With no ambition to better yourself, and no ambition to reach your true potential. We all have the potential to be great, it's just where and how we go about it is up to us. How far we want to take that potential is as high as the sky.
I have never dreamt of a life of fame and fortune, only to be able to survive doing what I love. I love to be creative. I love to see what's in my head come to life. I have always said, if I could make $2,000 a month (take home) making films and videos and putting them on YouTube, I would be more than happy. I don't need millions, nor do I want it. I want to live comfortably, I want to inspire others to do better. I want to be the one that someone says, "Tim helped me become what I am today. Tim helped me realize that I was better than a minimum wage employee. I did this because he has shown me that I am better than that." Yes call me selfish, but knowing at the end of the day, I helped one person, I changed one life, it makes my life worth while. Do I have dreams of being a film maker, yes, but not anything big. Most of all, I have a new dream. I dream to inspire others to see that they are better than what they allow themselves to be. That their potential is higher than the roof they live under. That the sky isn't the limit. Your limit is only has high as your imagination will let it be.
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